KBD Trio

SUPPLY DEPOT

Official KBD Trio Equipment, Artifacts & Questionable Acquisitions — Now With 80 Items You Absolutely Do Not Need

All sales final. No returns on rare tubes, German items, or power supplies. KBD LLC disclaims all liability for hospital-grade electrical incidents.
001 — Physical Media & Session Archives
Pre-Order
KBD
LP01
ITEM 001 ///
Debut LP [Pre-Order]
180g audiophile vinyl. Gatefold jacket. First pressing only — after that it becomes a bootleg and we raise the price. Mastered hot. Ships when it's done.
Format: 12" 33 RPM · Pressing: Limited / 300 · Label: TBD
$35.00
Limited Run
The Raw Sessions
Vol. 1
ITEM 002 ///
Bootleg Cassette — Raw Sessions Vol. 1
Lo-fi rehearsal captures on C-60 chrome tape. Nothing is tuned. Nothing is edited. Handwritten labels. Shipped in a ziplock bag with no receipt and a vague sense of guilt.
Format: C-60 Chrome · Bias: High · Run: 50 Units · Condition: Deliberately Raw
$12.00
Gag Item
KBD // LAST REHEARSAL
ITEM 003 ///
MiniDisc Bootleg — Last Rehearsal
Recorded on a Sony MZ-R70 held at a weird angle on top of a monitor. 72 minutes of us figuring it out. Includes 4 minutes of someone looking for a cable and 1 minute of genuine magic. You'll know it when you hear it.
Format: MD 74min · Recorded: Binaural Accident · Requires: A MiniDisc Player (good luck) · Label: Sticker, Handwritten
$8.00
Obsolete
KBD 8-TRACK
PROG 4
ITEM 021 ///
KBD 8-Track Cartridge — "Infinite Loop"
Four programs. All four are the same song. Recorded hot on Type II tape at a garage sale in Benzonia. The splice point is audible. The player it requires costs more than the cartridge. If you own a working 8-track player, you already understand why this exists. Includes handwritten track listing that says "Side A" four times.
Format: 8-Track · Programs: 4 (identical) · Tape Type: II · Player Required: Yes, Good Luck · Splice Quality: Audible
$9.00
Partially Erased
DAT 120
KBD // 48k
ITEM 022 ///
DAT Tape — "Someone Recorded Over This"
120-minute DAT cartridge. First 40 minutes: stunning live performance. Minutes 41–120: someone's kid's recorder recital from 2003. We don't know how this happened. The transition is jarring. The recorder recital is surprisingly well-recorded. 48kHz. Technically archival quality throughout.
Format: DAT 120 · Sample Rate: 48kHz · Content: Split (see description) · Recorder Recital Quality: Shockingly Good
$6.00
1.44MB
KBD RINGTONE v1.0
ITEM 023 ///
KBD Ringtone — On 3.5" Floppy Disk
A custom KBD ringtone. Delivered on a 3.5" floppy disk in WAV format. The file is 1.2MB. The disk holds 1.44MB. That leaves 240KB for your other files. Ringtone is 11 seconds of a riff we played once and never replicated. Requires a computer with a floppy drive. Requires a phone that accepts WAV ringtones. Requires a level of commitment we respect but do not understand.
Format: WAV 44.1kHz/16bit · Disk: 3.5" HD 1.44MB · Duration: 11 seconds · Remaining Disk Space: 240KB · Compatibility: 1998
$3.50
002 — Tube Complements & The Esoteric Corner
Gag Item
12AT7
KBD
ECC81
ITEM 004 ///
KBD Gold-Pin 12AT7 Tubes — Matched Pair
Genuine new-old-stock triodes. Re-labeled in KBD orange by hand. We bought a crate from a gentleman named Harold at a flea market outside Ypsilanti. They test good. Gold pins because we have standards, Harold does not.
Type: 12AT7 / ECC81 · Pack of 2 · Tested: "Sure, basically" · Origin: Harold
$22.00
Also Harold
6SN7GT
KBD
ITEM 005 ///
KBD 6SN7GT Octal Pair — "The Warm Ones"
Tall-bottle dual triodes. The sound of every expensive vintage preamp you've read about at 2am. Harold found these in the same box as the 12AT7s. We believe him. The smell of mild capacitor corrosion is part of the character.
Type: 6SN7GT · Pair · Socket: Octal · Smell: Vintage · Harold's Guarantee: "Absolutely"
$38.00
⚠ Extremely Rare
VF14 ★
ITEM 006 ///
Telefunken VF14 — "Certified Pre-Owned"
The soul of the Neumann U47. Last manufactured circa 1954. No substitute exists. Audiophiles cry about this at industry dinners. We found one. We are not saying where. The anode structure alone will make you reconsider your life choices. Condition: Spiritual.
Mfg: ~1952 · Origin: West Germany (when that was a thing) · Qty Available: 1 · Qty In Existence: Not Many
$1,200 $1,499.00
Decorative Only
Neve
1073
NO ELECTRONICS INSIDE
ITEM 007 ///
Neve 1073 Faceplate — No Electronics
The faceplate. Just the faceplate. Steel. Engraved. Looks exactly like the real thing from the other side of the room. Impress guests, confuse engineers, make no recordings. The knobs turn. Nothing happens when they do.
Electronics: None · Knobs: Functional-Feeling · Best Used: On a shelf, facing a camera · Warranty: Aesthetic
$55.00
500 Feet
500ft
XLR
ITEM 008 ///
500ft XLR — "The Venue is Big"
Oxygen-free copper. Neutrik connectors at both ends. For when you need to mic something across a parking lot. Ships on a cable drum. Weighs 22 lbs. Technically introduces 3dB of insertion loss but you're micing something across a parking lot so who cares.
Length: 500ft / 152m · Gauge: 24AWG · Connectors: XLR-M / XLR-F · Ships: On Drum, Ground Freight
$280.00
Gag Item
ITEM 009 ///
Tape Splice Block & Grease Pencil Set
Solid aluminum splicer with 45° and 90° channels. Two single-edge razor blades. One KBD-branded grease pencil. For editing the part where someone knocked over the mic stand at minute 3. Also cuts cheese. Blade sharpness: your call.
Fits: ¼" / ½" Tape · Includes: 2 Blades, 1 Grease Pencil, 1 Splicing Tape Roll, Regret
$28.00
Expired 1987
AMPEX 456
EXP: 1987
ITEM 024 ///
Ampex 456 — 2" Tape Reel (Expired 1987)
One reel of genuine Ampex 456 Grand Master, 2" format, 2500ft. Manufactured 1984. Expired 1987. Stored in someone's barn since then. Will it shed oxide? Almost certainly. Will it smell incredible when you unseal it? Absolutely. The smell alone is worth $40. This is aromatherapy for people who peaked during the golden age of recording.
Format: 2" / 2500ft · Oxide: Probably Shedding · Manufactured: 1984 · Best Before: 1987 · Storage: Barn (Leelanau County) · Smell: ★★★★★
$45.00
Functionally Empty
KBD SUM-1
NO SIGNAL PATH
ITEM 025 ///
KBD SUM-1 Analog Summing Box — Passive (No Electronics)
8 inputs. 2 outputs. Nothing connecting them internally. The jacks are real. The faceplate is machined aluminum. It looks exactly like a $4,000 summing mixer from across the room. Put it in your rack. Mention it in interviews. When someone asks to hear the difference it makes, change the subject. The warmth is implied.
Inputs: 8 × TRS (disconnected) · Outputs: 2 × XLR (disconnected) · Signal Path: None · Warmth: Conceptual · Rack Space: 1U
$120.00
Left Only
L PAD
ITEM 026 ///
KBD Replacement Ear Pad — Left Only
One (1) velour ear pad. Left ear only. Fits most circumaural headphones from 2004–2019 (see compatibility list we lost). The right ear pad is fine. It's always the left one that goes first. We don't know why either. Material: memory foam with velour cover. Color: "Studio Black" (it's just black). Sold individually because the right one is fine.
Qty: 1 (Left) · Material: Memory Foam / Velour · Diameter: ~95mm · The Right One: Fine · Compatibility List: Missing
$11.00
Decorative
dB
NO PEAK
ITEM 027 ///
KBD Desktop VU Meter — VU Only, No Peak Metering
A standalone VU meter with two channels. Displays VU only. Peak metering has been deliberately removed. Because peak metering is for people who worry. VU is for people who trust their ears and accept the consequences. Backlit needles. Warm amber glow. Sits on your desk. Measures nothing accurately. Makes you feel like a professional from 1972.
Channels: 2 · Metering: VU (No Peak, No RMS, No LUFS) · Backlight: Amber · Accuracy: Ballistic · Era Invoked: 1972
$85.00
003 — Infrastructure, Power & Freight-Class Acquisitions
🔴 MILITARY USE ONLY
KBD-PSU/MK1 — MODULAR SYNTHESIS POWER INFRASTRUCTURE ⚡ CAUTION: 480V 3-PHASE
VOLTS
AMPS
WATTS
HARM.
DO NOT CONNECT GROUND
↑ Powers This ↓
microKORG
⊞ Custom Crating Required — See Freight Dept.
ITEM 010 — CLASSIFIED ///
KBD-PSU/MK1 — Modular Synthesis Power Infrastructure Unit
847 lbs of transformer-wound, hospital-grade, three-phase 480V power delivery — purpose-built for the microKORG synthesizer (street price: $400). Requires dedicated 480V 3-phase service, licensed electrician, and written confirmation from your utility provider. Draws roughly the same amperage as a small dental clinic. Ships in a custom pine crate via freight-only carrier. Crating service is additional and handled by a man named Günter who only works Tuesdays. Output: clean, warm, and technically overkill by a factor of approximately 4,000. The microKORG it powers sounds exactly like a microKORG. We cannot explain this. Military provenance. We are not asking questions.
Weight: 847 lbs (crated: 1,100 lbs) · Input: 480V 3-Phase 60A · Output: 12VDC @ 500mA (microKORG spec) · Transformer Ratio: Yes · Compliance: MIL-STD-461 · Freight Zone: Continental US Only · Crating: +$800 (Günter, Tuesdays) · Lead Time: 8–14 weeks
$60,000.00
Gag Item
KBD FLUX ERASER
ITEM 011 ///
KBD Flux Eraser (Head Demagnetizer)
Degauss your tape heads. Or your general vibe. The hum is spiritual. Plug in, wave slowly near anything magnetic, feel like an engineer from 1968. Works on reel machines, cassette decks, and ex-band members.
Input: 110V AC · Hum: 60Hz, Substantial · Effectiveness: Probably · Caution: Keep away from floppy disks, credit cards, your mood
$18.00
+48V
KBD ENERGY +48V
ITEM 012 ///
Phantom Power Energy Drink — +48V Formula
Condenser microphones require it. So do you. 16oz. 200mg caffeine. Phosphor green can. Flavor: "Bias Current (Citrus)." Do not consume with ribbon microphones. May cause unexpected transient response in humans. Not responsible for what you record on it.
Volume: 16oz · Caffeine: 200mg · Flavor: Bias Current (Citrus) · Contraindication: Ribbon Mics · Pack: 4-Pack Available
$6.00
Legal Status: Murky
KBD
ITEM 013 ///
KBD "Legally Distinct" Single-Cutaway
Chinese-market mahogany(ish) body. Rosewood(ish) fretboard. This is 100% not a Gibson SG. It is a "CBDon Guitarre." KBD badge on the headstock. Intonation: close. Fret ends: characterful. Sounds like a guitar when you plug it in. We are not legally affiliated with anyone named Gibson.
Brand: Chibson · Legal Status: Ask Your Lawyer · Setup: Includes Truss Rod Wrench, Prayer · Action: "Ambitious"
$189.00
3 Inches
ITEM 028 ///
KBD ¼" TRS Patch Cable — 3 Inches
A single ¼" TRS patch cable. Three inches long. For when the output jack is directly above the input jack and you still need a cable for some reason. Oxygen-free copper. Gold-plated connectors. The build quality is wildly disproportionate to the cable length. Comes in a velvet pouch because we had leftover pouches.
Length: 3" / 7.6cm · Connector: ¼" TRS / ¼" TRS · Conductor: OFC · Pouch: Velvet (Included) · Minimum Viable Cable: Yes
$14.00
5-Pin DIN
ITEM 029 ///
KBD MIDI Cable (5-Pin DIN) — "The Original Protocol"
6ft 5-pin DIN MIDI cable. The one true MIDI connector. Not USB. Not Bluetooth. Not "MIDI over TRS" which is an abomination. This is the cable that launched a thousand drum machines. It carries NOTE ON. It carries NOTE OFF. It carries CLOCK. It does not carry audio, firmware updates, or existential doubt. It is 1983's greatest gift to music and we will not apologize for selling it in 2026.
Length: 6ft · Connector: 5-Pin DIN / 5-Pin DIN · Protocol: MIDI 1.0 · Baud Rate: 31.25 kbit/s · Year Invented: 1983 · Still Correct: Yes
$8.00
Adapter Only
¼→⅛
ITEM 030 ///
¼" to ⅛" Adapter — The One That Lives in Your Pocket
You already have seventeen of these. You can never find any of them. Gold-plated. Stereo. This one has the KBD logo on it so you can identify it as yours when it inevitably migrates to someone else's junk drawer. We sell them individually because the universe demands a constant supply. Goes in your pocket. Stays in your pocket. Falls out at the grocery store.
Type: ¼" Female → ⅛" Male · Plating: Gold · Quantity: 1 · Current Location: Unknown · Previous Locations: All Of Them
$2.50
XLR Only
KBD CT-1
XLR · TRS · TS
ITEM 031 ///
KBD CT-1 Cable Tester — XLR Only
Tests cables. But only XLR. The TRS and TS inputs are present on the faceplate but not wired internally. We built 200 of these before someone noticed. Rather than fix the problem, we rebranded it as a feature. "Focused testing for focused engineers." Green LED for pass. Red LED for fail. No LED for TS and TRS because, again, those jacks are decorative.
Tests: XLR (only) · TRS Input: Decorative · TS Input: Also Decorative · LED: Green (Pass) / Red (Fail) / None (TRS/TS) · Units Produced Before Discovery: 200
$32.00
004 — Die Deutsche Abteilung / The German Division — Reason Unknown
Sehr Gut
KBD WINDBLOCKER
Acoustic-Grade Windscreen. Also: Lunch.
ITEM 014 — GERMAN ///
KBD Bratwurst-Form Microphone Windscreen
Open-cell acoustic foam in traditional Nürnberger form factor. Reduces wind noise by approximately 18dB. Fits most large-diaphragm condensers. Will not pass as an actual bratwurst at a close distance. Stamped with KBD logo and subtle grill pattern. Sold individually. Keine Rückgabe.
Material: Acoustic Foam · Attenuation: ~18dB Wind · Fits: 47–67mm capsule diameter · Origin: Frankly, Germany · Also Available: In Currywurst Form (sold out)
€14.00 / $15.50
Für die Seele
CONF.
German
Engineering
Confidence
ITEM 015 — GERMAN ///
German Engineering Confidence — Hand Salve Tin
A small tin of hand salve. Formulated for individuals who believe their tolerances are correct and everyone else simply measured wrong. Beeswax base. Bergamot scent. Comes in a gold-stamped tin with the KBD badge and the words "Das ist richtig." For use before sessions, after sessions, and when someone questions your mic placement.
Contents: 2oz Hand Salve · Scent: Bergamot · Subtext: "I am correct" · Tin: Collectible · Language of Confidence: German
€18.00 / $19.50
Handcrafted
ITEM 016 — GERMAN ///
Schwarzwald VU-Kuckucksuhr (KBD Edition)
Traditional Black Forest cuckoo clock. Where the cuckoo would emerge, there is instead a 6-band VU meter display that illuminates on the hour. Handcarved linden wood case. Mechanical movement. On the hour, the VU meters peak in the red, hold for exactly 1 second, then release. The cuckoo does not come out. It never did. This is the version we prefer.
Movement: Mechanical 8-day · VU Display: LED, 6-band · On The Hour: Full Meter, No Bird · Origin: Triberg, Baden-Württemberg · Chains: 2 · Pine Cones: 2 (weights)
€340.00 / $370.00
Prost
KBD
SCHNAPS
ITEM 017 — GERMAN ///
KBD Engraved Schnapps Flask — "The Post-Session"
Stainless steel hip flask. 6oz. KBD badge engraved on front. "NACH DER SESSION" engraved on the back (translation: "After The Session"). This is the honest merch. No explanation required. Comes wrapped in a piece of our remaining 2" tape leader.
Capacity: 6oz / 180ml · Material: 304 Stainless · Engraving: Both Sides · Wrapping: Tape Leader · Purpose: You Know Why
€22.00 / $24.00
Sehr Praktisch
KBD
ITEM 032 — GERMAN ///
KBD Trachtenlederhosen — With Patch Bay Pockets
Traditional Bavarian leather shorts. Front pockets have been replaced with 8-point TT patch bays. For the engineer who patches during Oktoberfest. Hand-stitched in a village we cannot pronounce. Embroidered KBD badge on the bib. Suspenders included. The patch bays are functional but not recommended for use with live signal while dancing. Cotton lining for comfort. Leather for authority.
Material: Genuine Leder · Pockets: 2 × TT Patch Bay (8-point each) · Suspenders: Included · Embroidery: KBD Badge · Dancing While Patching: Not Recommended
€180.00 / $195.00
A=443Hz
ITEM 033 — GERMAN ///
Deutsche Referenz Stimmgabel — A=443Hz
A precision-machined tuning fork. Tuned to A=443Hz. Three hertz sharp of concert pitch. For the engineer who believes the orchestra is always slightly flat. German steel. Laser-engraved frequency. Comes in a felt-lined case with a certificate of accuracy from a lab in Stuttgart that definitely exists. The extra 3Hz is not an error. It is a philosophical position.
Frequency: A=443Hz (deliberately) · Material: German Surgical Steel · Certificate: Included · Concert A (440Hz): Wrong, Apparently · Case: Felt-Lined
€28.00 / $30.00
Handgemacht
SCHWARZWALD
FEDER-HALL
ITEM 034 — GERMAN ///
KBD Schwarzwald Feder-Hall (Spring Reverb Unit)
A wooden box from the Black Forest. Inside: one (1) spring. Input jack on the left. Output jack on the right. A spring connects them. That is the entire circuit. Tap the box and it makes the sound. You know the sound. It's the sound of every surf guitar record and every vintage amp you've ever kicked on purpose. Handmade by a clockmaker in Schonach who pivoted careers. RT60: depends on how hard you kick it.
Springs: 1 · Input: ¼" TS · Output: ¼" TS · Circuit Complexity: Minimal · Wood: Black Forest Linden · RT60: Kick-Dependent · Clockmaker: Retired
€65.00 / $70.00
005 — Personal Care & Professional Development
Limited
RUNDFUNK
ITEM 018 ///
KBD Broadcast Lab Coat — 1940s Rundfunk Style
Heavyweight cotton twill. Off-white. Cut in the style worn by engineers at Deutschlandradio, BBC Maida Vale, and Bell Labs when audio was a serious discipline practiced by serious men in serious coats. KBD badge on the left breast. "RUNDFUNK" patch on the right. Left chest pocket fits a grease pencil. We have no idea why we made these but here we are.
Material: 65% Cotton / 35% Poly Twill · Pockets: 3 · Patch: Embroidered · Sizes: S–XXL · Available In: Off-White (only)
$75.00
Gag Item
KBD
LIP
CLEAN
FOR KISS-ASSES
EXTRA
SMOOTH
ITEM 019 ///
KBD Lip Cleaner — "For Kiss-Asses"
SPF 30 mint lip balm. Pocket-sized. Discretely labeled. Two variants: Standard (labeled "KBD LIP CLEAN — For Kiss-Asses") and Extra Smooth (labeled the same but with a second coat). Thoughtful gift for the networking event. Slides easily into a blazer pocket before meeting with labels, bookers, or anyone with a budget.
SPF: 30 · Flavor: Mint · Variants: Standard / Extra Smooth · Subtext: You Know Who You Are · 2-Pack: Available
$4.00
Per Unit
SESSION: REEL #:
DATE: SPEED: TRACK:
BLANK. UNUSED. ONE (1).
ITEM 020 ///
Single Blank Reel Tape Label — Per Unit
One (1) blank 2" tape reel label. Cream stock. Pre-printed fields: Session, Reel #, Date, Speed, Track. Nothing filled in. That's your job. KBD watermark in corner. Sold individually. This is our lowest-margin item. We are aware. We include it because completeness matters.
Qty: 1 · Format: 2" Reel Label · Pre-Printed Fields: Yes · Filled In: No · Minimum Order: 1 · Maximum Dignity: Yours to preserve
$0.35
3 Stages
U
B
C
ITEM 035 ///
KBD "Gain Structure" Hot Sauce — 3-Stage Set
Three bottles. Three stages. Unity (green, mild), Boost (amber, medium), Clip (red, regret). Made in small batches in Traverse City by a hot sauce maker who also happens to play bass. The labels include gain structure diagrams. Unity pairs well with eggs. Boost pairs well with tacos. Clip pairs well with poor decisions and a glass of milk you should have poured first.
Bottles: 3 × 5oz · Unity: Jalapeño (Mild) · Boost: Habanero (Medium) · Clip: Scorpion (You Were Warned) · Diagrams: Gain Structure on Label · Milk: Not Included
$24.00
Aromatic
KBD WARM BIAS
ITEM 036 ///
KBD "Warm Bias" Scented Candle
Soy wax candle in an amber glass jar. Scent profile: heated vacuum tubes, flux residue, and old capacitors with a top note of cedar. Burns for 40 hours. The scent is disturbingly accurate. Your guests will either say "this smells amazing" or "is something on fire?" — both responses are correct. Pour temp: 170°F, which is coincidentally the same temperature as a biased 12AX7.
Wax: Soy · Burn Time: 40hrs · Scent: Tube Bias / Flux / Cedar · Temperature: 170°F (coincidence) · Jar: Amber Glass · Guests: Confused
$18.00
Cork-Lined
KBD SLIPPER
ITEM 037 ///
KBD Studio Slippers — Cork-Lined, "Flat Response"
Canvas studio slippers with cork insoles. Marketed as "Flat Response" because the sole is flat and we couldn't resist. Designed for long sessions on hard studio floors. Zero heel rise. Minimal sole-to-floor coupling. Will not color your footstep frequency response below 200Hz. Available in Studio Black. The cork insole provides warmth that is, for once, literal and not a marketing metaphor.
Material: Canvas Upper / Cork Insole · Response: Flat (the sole, not frequency) · Heel Rise: 0mm · Coupling: Minimal · Color: Studio Black · Sizes: 7–13
$35.00
Relabeled
KBD FADER LUBE
ITEM 038 ///
KBD "Fader Lube" (It's Lip Balm)
A tube of lip balm. Relabeled as "Fader Lube." Beeswax and coconut oil. SPF 15. The label says "Professional Maintenance Grade" and "For Linear and Rotary Applications" but it's lip balm. Apply to lips during sessions. Apply to faders never. We will not be held responsible for anyone who actually puts this on their console. Mint flavor. Professional packaging. Fundamentally dishonest product.
Contents: Lip Balm (do not apply to faders) · SPF: 15 · Flavor: Mint · Grade: "Professional Maintenance" · Applications: Lips Only · Honesty: Limited
$5.00
006 — Studio Signage, Stationery & Acts of Authority
Do Not Disturb
REC WE'RE
ROLLING
ITEM 039 ///
KBD "We're Rolling" Door Hanger / Tally Light
Double-sided door hanger with a built-in LED tally light. Side A: "WE'RE ROLLING — DO NOT ENTER OR MAKE SOUNDS OF ANY KIND." Side B: "SAFE — Enter At Your Own Creative Risk." Battery-powered red LED pulses on Side A. Battery lasts approximately 6 months, which is longer than most recording projects. Fits standard doorknobs. Prevents approximately 40% of unwanted interruptions. The other 60% are phone calls.
LED: Red (pulsing) · Battery: CR2032 (6-month life) · Sides: 2 · Interruption Prevention: ~40% · Material: Heavy Card Stock · Doorknob Compatibility: Standard
$12.00
Authoritative
APPROVED
STAMP INK: GREEN
ITEM 040 ///
KBD "Mix Approved" Rubber Stamp
Self-inking rubber stamp. Stamps "MIX APPROVED — KBD" in phosphor green ink. The single most powerful tool in any studio. Stamp a printout. Stamp a track sheet. Stamp a forehead. The mix is approved. Discussion over. No one argues with a stamp. Especially not a green one. Includes one ink cartridge. Replacement cartridges available (they won't be, but we like the implication of permanence).
Stamp Text: "MIX APPROVED — KBD" · Ink: Phosphor Green · Self-Inking: Yes · Authority: Absolute · Replacement Cartridges: Theoretical
$16.00
Blank
KBD TRIO
RATE CARD
ITEM 041 ///
KBD Session Rate Card — Completely Blank
Heavyweight card stock. KBD logo watermark. Pre-printed header: "SESSION RATES." Everything below that: blank. Because you never know what to charge. And honestly, neither do we. Fill in your rates. Cross them out. Write new ones. Cross those out too. The card stock is heavy enough to survive multiple revisions and one existential crisis about your worth as a creative professional.
Stock: 130lb Heavyweight · Watermark: KBD Logo · Pre-Printed: Header Only · Rates: Your Problem · Pack: 25 Cards · Revisions Supported: Unlimited
$8.00
Certified
Certificate of
DAW-FREE
ACHIEVEMENT
★
ITEM 042 ///
KBD "DAW-Free" Certification Plaque
Engraved brass plaque on walnut backer. Certifies that the bearer has completed one (1) full recording session without opening a DAW. Tape machines, hardware recorders, and live-to-2-track all qualify. "DAW-Free" does not mean better. But it does mean you can mount this on your wall and point at it when someone suggests editing in Pro Tools. Comes with mounting hardware and a sense of righteousness.
Material: Brass on Walnut · Dimensions: 6" × 4" · Certification: Self-Awarded · Mounting: Included · Righteousness: Palpable
$42.00
Veteran
Loudness War VETERAN
ITEM 043 ///
KBD "Loudness War Veteran" Bumper Sticker
Weatherproof vinyl bumper sticker. "LOUDNESS WAR VETERAN — I SURVIVED -6 LUFS." For anyone who mixed records between 1995 and 2012 and watched the RMS creep toward insanity while the mastering engineer said "the label wants it louder." Also available as a metaphor for your entire career in music production. Sticks to cars, laptops, and emotional baggage.
Material: Weatherproof Vinyl · Size: 8" × 3" · Adhesive: Permanent · Therapy: Not Included · LUFS Survived: -6 (claimed)
$3.00
No Locker
ITEM 044 ///
KBD Mic Locker Key — No Locker Included
A single brass key on a KBD-branded leather keychain. The key opens a mic locker. We are not telling you which one. There is no padlock included. There is no locker included. There is no mic included. This is a key. It implies a collection worth protecting. Hang it from your belt loop during sessions. Let people wonder. The leather tag says "KBD MIC VAULT" which doesn't exist but sounds important.
Key: Brass, Cut · Locker: Not Included · Padlock: Not Included · Mics: Not Included · Keychain: Leather, Stamped · Vault: Fictional
$7.00
007 — Wearables, Field Gear & Practical Delusions
Still Patching
I'M STILL PATCHING
KBD TRIO · TC, MI
ITEM 045 ///
KBD "I'm Still Patching" T-Shirt
100% cotton tee. Front: "I'M STILL PATCHING" in KBD orange on black. Back: a wiring diagram for a modular synth patch that produces one note. One note. The diagram takes up the entire back of the shirt. Anyone who understands the diagram will nod slowly. Anyone who doesn't will ask if it's a map. Both responses are acceptable. Printed in Traverse City. Runs slightly large because modular people need room for cables.
Material: 100% Cotton · Print: Front + Full Back · Diagram: Modular Patch (1 note) · Fit: Slightly Large (for cable clearance) · Wash: Cold, Inside Out
$28.00
Immersive
ATMOS CERTIFIED
KBD
ITEM 046 ///
KBD "ATMOS Certified" Trucker Hat
Mesh-back trucker hat. Front panel: "ATMOS CERTIFIED" embroidered in phosphor green. KBD badge on the side. Snapback closure. This hat does not certify you in Dolby Atmos. It certifies that you own a hat that says "ATMOS Certified." Wear it to AES conventions. Wear it to the grocery store. Wear it in your ATMOS studio in Traverse City while mixing objects at 2am. You've earned this.
Style: Trucker / Snapback · Front: Embroidered · Side: KBD Badge · Certification: The Hat, Not You · Color: Black / Black Mesh · One Size: Fits Most Heads
$22.00
60 Yards
KBD
ITEM 047 ///
KBD Gaffer Tape — 2" × 60yd (Orange)
Professional-grade gaffer tape. In KBD orange. 2" wide. 60 yards. Leaves no residue. Holds cables, marks stage positions, fixes broken dreams, and temporarily repairs anything that needs to work for one more take. The color ensures everyone knows whose tape it is. Do not loan it. You will not get it back. This is the most practical item in the entire depot and we're almost embarrassed to sell it.
Width: 2" · Length: 60yd · Color: KBD Orange (Pantone 1655) · Residue: None · Tensile Strength: 38 lbs/in · Loans: Inadvisable
$16.00
Weather-Rated
48V RATED
ITEM 048 ///
KBD Condenser Mic Rain Poncho
Clear polycarbonate poncho. Sized to fit a large-diaphragm condenser microphone. For outdoor recording sessions where it might rain and you've already committed. Acoustically transparent above 2kHz. Below 2kHz: introduces a subtle resonance that some people describe as "character" and others describe as "a poncho on a microphone." Cinches at the base. Includes a KBD-branded moisture indicator strip.
Material: Polycarbonate Film · Fits: Large-Diaphragm Condensers (up to 60mm) · Acoustic Transparency: >2kHz · Below 2kHz: Character · Moisture Indicator: Included
$9.00
Pink Noise
KBD REFERENCE
ITEM 049 ///
KBD "Reference Monitor" — It's a Mirror
A 6" × 8" mirror in a matte black frame. Labeled "REFERENCE MONITOR — FLAT RESPONSE." The flattest response you will ever encounter. Reflects your face at unity gain with zero coloration. Place it on your meter bridge. Consult it during mix decisions. It will show you the person responsible for every choice you've made. The most honest piece of studio equipment available. Frequency response: visible light only.
Type: Mirror · Size: 6" × 8" · Frame: Matte Black · Response: Flat (literally) · Frequency Range: 430–770 THz (visible light) · Honesty: Brutal
$20.00
Final Item
∞
ITEM 050 ///
KBD "Infinite Headroom" Volume Knob — Goes to 11
A single aluminum volume knob. Numbered 0 through 11. Fits any ¼" D-shaft potentiometer. The extra number is not a gag — it's an engineering position. Standard knobs stop at 10 because standard knobs lack ambition. This one goes to 11 because we milled one extra hash mark and reprinted the legend. The knob does not actually provide additional gain. The confidence it provides is immeasurable. This is item 050. We're done. Go make something.
Shaft: ¼" D-Shaft · Range: 0–11 · Extra Gain: None · Extra Confidence: Unlimited · Material: Machined Aluminum · Item: 050 / 050
$10.00
008 — The Northern Michigan Division — Because We Live Here
Artisanal
PITS
ITEM 051 ///
KBD Cherry Pit Mic Pop Filter — Old Mission Peninsula
Hand-collected cherry pits from Old Mission Peninsula orchards, pressed into a mesh disc and mounted on a gooseneck. Provides warm, fruit-forward plosive reduction. Each filter contains approximately 2,400 pits from Montmorency tart cherries. Subtle cherry aroma during vocal takes is a feature. Attracts bees in outdoor sessions. We are aware of this.
Origin: Old Mission Peninsula · Cherry Type: Montmorency Tart · Pit Count: ~2,400 · Mount: Standard Gooseneck · Aroma: Present
$34.00
Dual Purpose
M-22
ITEM 052 ///
KBD M-22 Bumper Sticker — Frequency Response Edition
Looks like an M-22 highway marker from a distance. Up close, it's a frequency response chart from 20Hz to 20kHz. The curve has a gentle 3dB boost at 2.5kHz — the exact frequency at which a cherry tourist asks "is this the way to Sleeping Bear?" Weatherproof vinyl. Fits on a Subaru. Designed for the back of every vehicle on the Leelanau Peninsula from May through October.
Size: 4" × 8" · Material: Weatherproof Vinyl · Frequency Range: 20Hz–20kHz · Boost: 3dB @ 2.5kHz · Vehicle: Subaru (assumed)
$5.00
Contraband?
SB DUNES
ITEM 053 ///
Sleeping Bear Dunes Sand — Acoustic Damping Compound
16 oz mason jar of genuine Sleeping Bear Dunes sand. Pour into snare drums, kick drums, or floor toms for "dune-grade" resonance control. The sand has been aged 12,000 years by glacial retreat, which we believe qualifies as vintage. Each grain has been exposed to Lake Michigan winds, providing what we describe in the spec sheet as "atmospheric pre-treatment." We did not ask the National Park Service for permission. They did not ask us not to. This is technically not a confession.
Volume: 16oz · Age: ~12,000 Years · Source: Classified Beach · Application: Drum Damping · Legal Status: Don't Ask
$18.00
Geological
380M YRS OLD
ITEM 054 ///
KBD Petoskey Stone Guitar Pick — Devonian Heavy
Guitar pick hand-cut from a genuine Petoskey stone found on the shore near Charlevoix. 380 million years old. Approximately 0.8mm thick. The fossilized coral pattern provides natural grip texture. Tone is "geological." Every note you play with this pick has been waiting since the Devonian period. The pick will outlast your guitar, your career, and your genre. Sold individually because each one is a fossil and we found it on a beach.
Material: Petoskey Stone (Hexagonaria) · Age: ~380 Million Years · Thickness: 0.8mm · Found: Charlevoix Shoreline · Tone: Ancient
$15.00
Pseudoscience
TORCH
ITEM 055 ///
Torch Lake Water — Cryogenic Tube Amp Coolant
500ml of Torch Lake water, bottled at dawn. Marketed for "cryogenic tube amp cooling." Pour over your overheating output transformers for what we call "Caribbean-of-the-North thermal management." The water is genuinely beautiful — that turquoise clarity you see on Instagram is real. Whether it cools tubes better than tap water is a question we refuse to answer on the grounds that the answer is obviously no. Bottle is glass. Label is hand-stamped.
Volume: 500ml · Source: Torch Lake, MI · Color: Turquoise (Genuine) · Cooling Properties: Identical to Normal Water · Label: Hand-Stamped
$22.00
Judgmental
1 PAGE
ITEM 056 ///
KBD "Interlochen-Grade" Sheet Music Stand
Holds exactly one page. Judgmentally. The ledge is deliberately narrow — if your chart is more than one page, you should have practiced more. Machined from a single piece of aluminum in Interlochen, Michigan, where 16-year-old prodigies would find your sight-reading pace "interesting." The stand angle is fixed at 72° because that's the correct angle. We consulted no one.
Capacity: 1 Page · Material: Aluminum · Angle: 72° (Fixed) · Judgment: Included · Origin: Interlochen, MI
$45.00
Seasonal
ZOOM
DEET
ITEM 057 ///
KBD Sleeping Bear Dunes Field Recording Kit
Contains: one Zoom H1n portable recorder and one industrial-size can of bug spray. That's it. That's the kit. You will hike the Empire Bluffs trail at golden hour. You will press record. You will capture the sound of Lake Michigan from 400 feet above. You will also capture the sound of 11,000 mosquitoes. The bug spray is for the mosquitoes. The recorder is for your ambitions. Both are essential in equal measure. June through September only.
Recorder: Zoom H1n · Bug Spray: Industrial (12oz) · Trail: Empire Bluffs · Season: June–Sept · Mosquitoes: Guaranteed
$89.00
No Electricity
NO POWER
ITEM 058 ///
Glen Arbor Cabin Studio Rental — Off-Grid Session
One-week rental of a cabin near Glen Arbor with "studio-grade acoustics" (low ceiling, log walls, questionable RT60). No electricity. Generator sold separately. The cabin is 0.7 miles from the nearest road. Cell service is theoretical. You will bring your battery-powered 4-track. You will record an album in the woods. You will emerge changed or unchanged. Either way, you will have mosquito bites. Firewood included. Inspiration not guaranteed.
Location: Near Glen Arbor, MI · Duration: 7 Nights · Electricity: None · Generator: Sold Separately ($400/wk) · Cell Service: Theoretical
$650.00
Seasonal / Melting
-4°F
ITEM 059 ///
Crystal Lake Ice — Cryogenic Tube Treatment
A block of ice harvested from Crystal Lake in January, shipped in a styrofoam cooler. Place your vacuum tubes directly on the ice for "cryogenic treatment." Audiophile forums insist cryogenic treatment improves tube microphonics. We harvested ice from a lake near Beulah and put it in a box. These two facts are not connected by science. They are connected by commerce. Ships January through March only. Refunds not available once melted, which will be approximately 48 hours after delivery.
Source: Crystal Lake, Benzie County · Harvest: January · Ships: Jan–Mar · State On Arrival: Partially Liquid · Refund Window: Before It Melts
$30.00
Renewable
⚡
ITEM 060 ///
KBD Boardman River Hydroelectric Pedalboard
A pedalboard powered by a micro-hydro turbine you install in the Boardman River. Provides 12V DC at approximately 300mA, depending on current flow and how many kayakers hit your intake. Enough to power two to three pedals. Maybe four if one is a tuner. The turbine is the size of a coffee can. The permit situation is unresolved. We recommend installing it at night, which is not legal advice. Cable run from the river to your porch: 200 feet included.
Power: 12V DC / ~300mA · Source: Boardman River · Turbine: Coffee-Can Size · Cable Run: 200ft · Permits: Unresolved
$185.00
Critical Listening
AGED
ITEM 061 ///
KBD Leelanau Wine & Cheese Mix Review Kit
One bottle of Leelanau County Pinot Grigio, one wedge of Leelanau Cheese Company aged cheddar, and a printed "Mix Review Scorecard." Designed for critical listening sessions where the mix gets better the more wine you consume. The scorecard has categories including "Low End: Tight / Loose / Who Cares" and "Vocal Presence: Yes / No / Open Another Bottle." By the second glass, everything sounds warm. By the third, you've approved the mix. This is the process.
Wine: Leelanau Pinot Grigio · Cheese: Aged Cheddar · Scorecard: Included · Objectivity: Decreasing · Approval Rate: 100% (by glass 3)
$42.00
Collab
KBD×CR
ITEM 062 ///
KBD × Cherry Republic "Clip Light" Hot Sauce
A collaboration with Cherry Republic in Glen Arbor. Three heat stages labeled like a signal chain: Unity, Clip, and Limit. Unity is a mild cherry habanero. Clip is a scorching cherry reaper blend that will make you sweat through a tracking session. Limit is a ghost pepper cherry extract that we are legally required to call a "condiment" and not a "weapon." Each bottle has a VU meter on the label that turns red as the sauce level drops. Made in Glen Arbor. Bottled with intent.
Maker: Cherry Republic × KBD · Location: Glen Arbor, MI · Stages: Unity / Clip / Limit · Cherry: Yes, Somehow · Scoville: Escalating
$14.00
Bootleg
NO SIGNAL
ITEM 063 ///
KBD "TCFF Bootleg" Screening Room Monitor
A 5" composite-input CRT monitor "liberated" from a Traverse City Film Festival screening room. Displays video at 480i. The color is wrong. The geometry is wrong. There is a permanent ghost image of a Q&A moderator burned into the phosphor. Audio output is mono via a 1/8" jack that hums at 60Hz. Use it as a confidence monitor in your studio so clients think you have taste. You do not need to tell them where it came from. We will not tell them either.
Size: 5" CRT · Resolution: 480i (Generous) · Input: Composite · Audio: Mono, Hums · Burn-In: Q&A Moderator · Provenance: Don't Ask
$35.00
Atmospheric
FOG
ITEM 064 ///
KBD "Lake Effect" Fog Machine — Morning Mist Edition
Not a fog machine. A 4" diameter insulated duct connected to a fan that pulls morning Lake Michigan mist directly into your live room. Requires proximity to Lake Michigan (within 800 feet). Operates between 5:30 AM and 8:00 AM, June through September, when conditions produce that low-hanging mist that makes Frankfort look like a movie set. Provides "atmosphere" in the most literal sense. Your studio will smell like a Great Lake. Condensation on equipment is your problem.
Duct: 4" Insulated · Fan: 120V Inline · Range: 800ft From Shore · Hours: 5:30–8:00 AM · Season: June–Sept · Condensation: Your Problem
$120.00
Organic
M-72
ITEM 065 ///
KBD M-72 Roadkill Tambourine
A tambourine with jingles made from flattened aluminum cans collected along M-72 between Traverse City and Kalkaska. Each jingle has a slightly different pitch depending on what brand of beer it was. Bud Light produces a thin, bright shimmer. Bell's Oberon gives a warmer, more complex overtone. The frame is hand-bent cedar from a fallen tree near the Boardman River. Every tambourine sounds different because every stretch of M-72 has different litter. This is artisanal percussion. We will not apologize.
Jingles: Recycled Aluminum Cans · Source: M-72 Corridor · Frame: Boardman River Cedar · Pitch: Varies by Brand · Tuning: Chaotic
$28.00
Do Not Eat
FUDGE?
ITEM 066 ///
KBD "Console Cleaning Compound" — Definitely Not Fudge
A half-pound block of what we describe on the label as "analog console cleaning compound." It is fudge. From Mackinaw City. We bought it at a tourist shop, peeled off the original label, and applied our own label that says "Console Cleaning Compound — Apply to fader channels and knob surfaces." Do not apply it to fader channels and knob surfaces. Eat it. It is fudge. This is the most dishonest product in the catalog and we are at peace with that.
Contents: Fudge · Source: Mackinaw City · Label: Fraudulent · Application: Oral · Console-Safe: Absolutely Not
$9.00
Oenological
ITEM 067 ///
KBD Suttons Bay Vineyard Speaker Cable — Grape-Insulated
10-foot speaker cable insulated with grape vine bark harvested from a Suttons Bay vineyard. The dielectric properties of grape vine bark are not documented anywhere. We checked. We used it anyway. The cable has a faint purple tint and smells like a tasting room in September. We claim it adds "terroir" to your signal path. This means nothing. Audiophiles will still buy it. Oxygen-free copper core. The grapes are not oxygen-free.
Length: 10ft · Core: OFC · Insulation: Grape Vine Bark · Origin: Suttons Bay, MI · Terroir: Alleged
$55.00
Navigational
ITEM 068 ///
KBD Northport Lighthouse MIDI Strobe
A miniature replica of the Grand Traverse Lighthouse near Northport, modified to flash in sync with MIDI clock. Each flash corresponds to a quarter note at your session tempo. At 120 BPM, it flashes twice per second, which is distracting. At 60 BPM, it's almost meditative. At 180 BPM, it's a seizure risk we are disclosing in this sentence. Place it on your console bridge and pretend you're navigating Lake Michigan instead of a mix session. USB-MIDI input. Lighthouse is 8 inches tall. Light is genuinely bright.
Height: 8" · Input: USB-MIDI · Sync: Quarter Note · Brightness: Concerning · Lighthouse: Grand Traverse (Replica)
$65.00
Scenic
ISO
ITEM 069 ///
KBD Empire Bluffs Vocal Isolation Booth
A 4×4 plywood box placed at the Empire Bluffs overlook. You sing inside the box while looking at one of the most beautiful views in Michigan through a 3-inch window. The view is of South Bar Lake and the Sleeping Bear Dunes shoreline. You cannot enjoy it properly because you are inside a plywood box doing vocal takes. The irony is the product. Acoustic treatment: moving blankets stapled to the interior. Available by appointment, dawn sessions only. Parking pass not included.
Size: 4' × 4' × 7' · Location: Empire Bluffs Overlook · View: Spectacular (Through 3" Window) · Treatment: Moving Blankets · Parking: Not Included
$75.00 / session
Apiary
WAX
ITEM 070 ///
KBD Benzonia Beeswax Cable Wrap
Cable management wraps made from beeswax-infused canvas, sourced from an apiary in Benzonia. Your cable looms will smell like honey and hold their shape like a professional. Each wrap is hand-dipped. The beeswax provides a light tackiness that keeps cables bundled without zip ties, velcro, or self-loathing. Your studio will smell like a meadow. Clients will comment on this. You will say "it's the cable wraps" and they will not understand. This is fine.
Material: Beeswax-Infused Canvas · Source: Benzonia Apiary · Length: 12" per wrap · Pack: 10 · Scent: Honey · Grip: Naturally Tacky
$18.00
Hydrological
PLATTE
ITEM 071 ///
KBD Platte River Spring Reverb Tank
A spring reverb tank that has been submerged in the Platte River for 30 days before shipping. The springs have been "naturally treated" by cold, clear river water and occasional contact with spawning salmon. We believe this process adds character. There is no acoustic evidence for this belief. The reverb sounds exactly like a normal spring reverb tank. The springs are slightly rusty, which we describe as "patina." Decay time: approximately 2.8 seconds, or the time it takes a salmon to lose interest in your transducer.
Type: Spring Reverb (3-spring) · Treatment: 30 Days in Platte River · Decay: ~2.8s · Patina: Present · Salmon Contact: Probable
$95.00
Annual
CHERRY
COMP
ITEM 072 ///
KBD "Cherry Festival" Optical Compressor Pedal
An optical compressor pedal where the photocell is replaced with a dried Traverse City cherry. The cherry's opacity changes with humidity, providing "seasonal compression." In July, during the National Cherry Festival, the cherry is at peak moisture and the compression ratio is roughly 4:1. By February, the cherry has desiccated and the ratio drops to barely 1.5:1. The attack time varies with room temperature. This is a feature we did not design on purpose. Enclosure is cherry red. Obviously.
Type: Optical Compressor · Photocell: Dried Cherry · Ratio: 1.5:1–4:1 (Seasonal) · Bypass: True · Color: Cherry Red · Festival: National Cherry
$110.00
Found Object
ITEM 073 ///
KBD Sleeping Bear Driftwood Drum Sticks
A pair of drum sticks hand-carved from driftwood found on the Sleeping Bear Dunes lakeshore. No two sticks are the same length, weight, or diameter. This makes them essentially unusable for any drummer who values consistency, which is to say, all drummers. They are beautiful objects. They are smoothed by decades of Lake Michigan wave action. They will break on the first rimshot. Sold as a pair, though "pair" is generous — they are two sticks that were found on the same beach on the same day. That is the extent of their pairing.
Material: Lake Michigan Driftwood · Matched: No · Weight: Different (Each) · Durability: One Rimshot · Found: Sleeping Bear Lakeshore
$20.00
Architectural
ITEM 074 ///
KBD Charlevoix Mushroom House Acoustic Diffuser
An acoustic diffuser panel shaped like one of the Charlevoix Mushroom Houses designed by Earl Young. The organic curves scatter reflections in patterns that no acoustic modeling software can predict. We ran it through EASE and the software returned a question mark. Each panel is made from molded fiberglass with a stone-textured finish. Mount four of them on your back wall and your room will sound like a hobbit's mixing suite. Which, depending on your aesthetic, may be exactly what you want. 24" × 24".
Size: 24" × 24" × 6" · Material: Molded Fiberglass · Pattern: Mushroom House (Earl Young Inspired) · Diffusion: Unpredictable · EASE Result: "?"
$85.00
Rotating
ITEM 075 ///
KBD Old Mission Lighthouse Metronome
A metronome built into a 6-inch replica of the Old Mission Point Lighthouse. The light rotates at the tempo you set, which is disorienting in a dark control room. Located at the 45th parallel — exactly halfway between the equator and the North Pole — the lighthouse represents perfect balance. Your timing will not achieve this balance. The metronome click is generated by a solenoid striking the lighthouse bell. It is louder than expected. BPM range: 40–208. The lighthouse beam is an actual LED. Do not look directly at it during tracking.
Model: Old Mission Point (Replica) · Height: 6" · BPM: 40–208 · Click: Solenoid Bell · Light: Rotating LED · Parallel: 45th
$70.00
Ambulatory
TART TRAIL
ITEM 076 ///
KBD TART Trail Portable Headphone Amp
A battery-powered headphone amplifier designed for critical listening while walking the TART Trail from Traverse City to Suttons Bay. 17 miles of rail-trail. 17 miles of mix review. Clips to your belt. Class-A topology running on four AA batteries that last approximately 6 miles. You will need to swap batteries in Suttons Bay, where there is a hardware store and several wine tasting rooms. We recommend both. Output impedance matched for 250-ohm Beyerdynamics because that's what serious people wear while walking on a bike path.
Output: 1/4" Stereo · Power: 4× AA · Range: ~6 Miles · Trail: TART (TC to Suttons Bay) · Class: A · Impedance: Matched for 250Ω
$48.00
Meteorological
ITEM 077 ///
KBD Frankfort Breakwall Click Track
A USB dongle that generates a click track based on real-time wave data from the Frankfort pier. Tempo is determined by wave frequency hitting the breakwall. Calm days produce a gentle 55 BPM. Storm days produce an erratic 140+ BPM with no consistent downbeat. We pull NOAA buoy data via cellular modem. The click is a recording of an actual wave impact, pitch-shifted to be audible in headphones. Your drummer will hate this. Lake Michigan doesn't care.
Interface: USB · Data Source: NOAA Buoy (Lake Michigan) · BPM Range: 40–160+ · Click Sound: Wave Impact · Consistency: Weather-Dependent
$38.00
Rural
D.I.
ITEM 078 ///
KBD Beulah General Store Passive DI Box
A passive DI box built into a small wooden box that previously held penny candy at a general store in Beulah. The transformer is a vintage UTC from the 1960s we found at an estate sale in Benzonia. The box still smells faintly of butterscotch. Jensen would charge $400 for this. We are charging $55 because the enclosure has "Penny Candy 5¢" stamped on the lid and that limits our ability to position it as premium. It sounds excellent. The butterscotch aroma fades after approximately 18 months.
Type: Passive DI · Transformer: UTC (1960s) · Enclosure: Repurposed Candy Box · Aroma: Butterscotch (Fading) · Origin: Beulah / Benzonia
$55.00
Horticultural
ITEM 079 ///
KBD Cherry Orchard Isolation Headphones
Closed-back headphones with ear cups filled with dried cherry blossoms from an Old Mission Peninsula orchard. The blossoms provide approximately 4dB of additional isolation over standard foam. We tested this. The 4dB figure is real. The blossoms compress over time, reducing isolation by about 1dB per year. Replacement blossom inserts available each May when the orchards bloom. The headphones smell like spring in Traverse City, which is the best smell in Michigan. 40mm drivers. Impedance: 32 ohms. Cherry content: significant.
Drivers: 40mm · Impedance: 32Ω · Isolation: +4dB (Declining Annually) · Fill: Dried Cherry Blossoms · Refill: Available May · Scent: Spring
$78.00
Cartographic
M-22
M-72
ITEM 080 ///
KBD M-22 / M-72 DJ Crossfader
A DJ crossfader where the left channel is labeled "M-22" and the right channel is labeled "M-72." Hard left is the scenic lakeside route. Hard right is the fast inland route. Center position is the intersection in Traverse City where you sit in tourist traffic for 35 minutes in July deciding which way to go. The fader has a satisfying 45mm throw. The curve is adjustable. The existential choice between coast and convenience is not. Works with any DJ mixer. Faceplate is road-sign green.
Throw: 45mm · Curve: Adjustable · Left: M-22 (Scenic) · Right: M-72 (Fast) · Center: Tourist Traffic · Color: Road Sign Green
$32.00

Terms of Supply — Please Read These Before Contacting Us

ITEM 010 (PSU/MK1): KBD Trio makes no warranty that 480V 3-phase service is available at your location, that your floor supports 847 lbs, or that Günter will be available the Tuesday you need him. The microKORG sold separately. The microKORG powers itself off a 9V supply. We are aware of this.  ·  ITEM 006 (VF14): Any tube labeled "Spiritual" is sold as a collectible artifact. We are not responsible for what happens when you install it. We are also not responsible for the inevitable conversation you will have at GAS (Gear Acquisition Syndrome) support group meetings.  ·  ITEM 007 (Neve Faceplate): The knobs provide tactile feedback only. This is a feature, not a defect.  ·  ITEM 013 (Chibson): "CBDon Guitarre" is a sovereign product of KBD Workshop. The resemblance to any American instrument is a coincidence that we nonetheless find gratifying.  ·  ITEM 016 (Cuckoo Clock): The bird never comes out. This is permanent. The bird compartment is sealed. We sealed it. There is no warranty on the bird compartment.  ·  ITEM 019 (Lip Cleaner): KBD does not endorse or facilitate actual sycophancy. This is a cosmetic product. The label is a joke. SPF protection is real. Apply generously before important industry meetings.  ·  ITEM 020 (Tape Label): We will not apologize for selling this. One reel label is a complete and valid purchase. Minimum order is $0.35. We will honor it.  ·  GERMAN DIVISION (Items 014–017, 032–034): The German Division has expanded. We will not explain why. The Lederhosen patch bays are not CE certified. The tuning fork is deliberately sharp. Bitte keine Rückfragen.  ·  ITEM 025 (SUM-1): The Analog Summing Box contains no analog summing. It contains no circuit of any kind. It is a box with jacks. The warmth is in your heart.  ·  ITEM 029 (MIDI Cable): 5-pin DIN is the correct connector. This is not a debate. This is a fact.  ·  ITEM 035 (Hot Sauce): KBD Trio is not responsible for what you record after consuming the Clip stage. Milk is not included. Milk should have been included.  ·  ITEM 038 (Fader Lube): Do not put lip balm on your faders. We cannot believe we have to say this.  ·  ITEM 042 (DAW-Free Plaque): Certification is self-awarded and carries no accreditation from any professional body. The sense of superiority is your own.  ·  ITEM 049 (Reference Monitor): This is a mirror. It provides no frequency analysis. It provides something arguably more useful.  ·  ITEM 050 (Volume Knob): The knob goes to 11. This provides no additional gain. We will not apologize.  ·  NORTHERN MICHIGAN DIVISION (Items 051–080): All Northern Michigan products are sourced, found, harvested, or fabricated within the 45th parallel zone. KBD Trio is not affiliated with the National Park Service, Cherry Republic (except when we are), MDOT, any Leelanau County vineyard, or the ghost of Earl Young.  ·  ITEM 053 (Sleeping Bear Sand): We neither confirm nor deny that this sand was collected from a National Lakeshore. The sand has no serial number. It cannot be traced.  ·  ITEM 058 (Glen Arbor Cabin): The cabin has wildlife. The wildlife is not included in the rental. The wildlife does not leave when you arrive. Coexistence is the policy.  ·  ITEM 064 (Fog Machine): KBD is not responsible for condensation damage to vintage equipment. If you pipe Lake Michigan mist into a room containing a Neve console, you deserve what happens.  ·  ITEM 066 (Console Compound): It is fudge. We have said this. If you apply fudge to a mixing console, we cannot help you. No one can help you.  ·  ITEM 072 (Cherry Compressor): Compression ratio is subject to atmospheric conditions, cherry freshness, and the unknowable will of stone fruit. KBD provides no guarantee of consistent dynamics processing from a dried cherry.  ·  ITEM 080 (Crossfader): Neither MDOT nor the Grand Traverse County Road Commission endorses the use of state highway designations on DJ equipment. We did not ask.